Friday, September 15, 2006

watching them bow

I seem to be in a place lately where I am really thinking about the effect others’ words have on our decisions and convictions. I have watched too many people in my life bow out of circumstances at the whim of other people and their opinions. To say it is aggravating would be an understatement, but the best understatement I can come up with this late at night. Being a person who puts her whole heart into everything I do and into every person I care about, I have a hard time understanding the concept of being so drastically swayed by the simple remarks of another. I make it a habit to try to be uncomfortably honest with myself, which assures me that my convictions come from deep within me… from the heart of God in me… and not an eclectic version of surrounding opinions.

It is disappointing to receive the swift rebuff of a person who merely reacts to the opinions of others… and unfortunately, this is a cause for the demise of many friendships. I was thinking tonight that if I were swayed by every remark someone made, my life would be a circus act—jumping through endless hoops and juggling with the fire of insecurity—desperate for the applause of some audience that is only there for a show, and not for me personally, anyway. That is a performance I hope to never take part in… and yet I watch people I care about signing up for the lead roles. Desperate for fulfillment, they charge through the hoops and juggle fire, they take their bows in longing for the acceptance of a deceiving audience… They get lost in the spotlight and set up camp on a stage of shifting emotion, never to return. And ones like me can do nothing but watch them painfully from offstage…

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

Love it!

mason said...

bets, i really like this. your honesty continues to astound me. i love that you're raw about the tough things- not many are brave enough to do that. you're great.