I have absolutely nothing to complain about. My life has had so many positive turns in the last several months—well, in the last year really—that if you didn’t know better, you’d think I was God’s favorite kid. (Actually, I am… I just usually try not to brag about it…). But I realized today that it’s not enough. I want more.
Now, before you go thinking I’m the spitting image of the selfish, hair-raising Veruca Salt from Charlie & the Chocolate Factory, let me explain. I wouldn’t say I’m feeling an internal demand for the golden tickets of life… I feel like I’ve already gotten those—from family to friends, relationships, and a career. Yet, something remains to be desired. And it’s nothing that any golden ticket could ever satisfy. You see, I find myself longing for more moments that have nothing to do with golden tickets or living “the good life.” I want more moments of deep satisfaction, of true meaning, of heartfelt attempts to be a light, even if it means risking failure.
The things I want more of are times like when I was hugging a woman twice my age in the parking lot of my place of employment, crying with her and praying with her as she left a place of safety and restoration, and began a new life of sobriety. Or when I was kneeling on the floor of a grocery store isle, praying for a perfect stranger as he died, inches from my hands that failingly attempted to save him. And the time spent talking and praying in a woman’s apartment, who had been so badly abused she had to move halfway across the country and change her name and social security number in a desperate attempt to find safety. Or making a quick phone call to a friend, whose mother passed away halfway around the world. And the unanswered messages I continue to leave on another friend’s voicemail, who made a huge mistake in life, and is too ashamed to face God or anyone else.
I am eternally grateful for the blessings God has granted me. But I never want my life to be about seeking a golden ticket. I just want more moments like those—moments of vulnerability, snapshots of the grace of God. Because eternal treasure will never be found anywhere else.