So, there is someone that I’ve been getting to know lately, and I have to say, I am quite surprised at what I’m learning about this person. I find it so interesting how people tend to surprise you with unanticipated tidbits about themselves, and they unfold in ways you never expected. And this person just keeps unfolding, and unfolding… and unfolding. It’s almost comical. It’s nothing I would have ever expected. But I love it, because it reminds me how unique each of our histories are.
It’s kind of like the astonishment that dashes across people’s faces when I tell them I have a tattoo. Disbelief. Shock. A part of me that no one expects. (Am I right, those of you who, until now, didn’t know that about me??? Don’t worry. I'm just a rebel wannabe).
I guess my point is, I find it interesting how startled we get when we are swayed from our little ideas of “the way things are.” What do you mean Betsy? Well, I’m glad you asked… Do we not tend to see people as we wish to see them? Or view situations in ways that most benefit us? For example, when someone hurts us, sometimes it’s easier to dig up all the dirt we can about them, and focus on that so we feel justified in our pain; or maybe we justify ourselves in circumstances we know aren’t of God so that we don’t have to face the grief of parting with our personal comfort and desires. There seems to be something almost inherent about our attachment to our self-serving perceptions. It’s somewhat disturbing.
I’ve been thinking a lot lately about expecting God to speak to me when I ask Him something. I’ve realized that there have been situations in my life when I have sought God, but quite frankly, I wasn’t prepared to hear His answer. I sought God because I knew it was the right thing to do, but when it came down to it, my own answer was easier to deal with than what God expected me to do. It was easier (or at least, felt so at the time) to keep a deathly grip on my ideas, my justifications. Unfortunately, my short-term cop-out nearly cost me my life. Literally.
Perhaps this is nothing deep or moving for anyone else but me, but I am so grateful that God has been teaching me that, just like the people we get to know bit by bit, He is somewhat like a big wad of paper… (It doesn’t get any less spiritual than calling God a wad of paper, I know). He just keeps unfolding our lives for us, His will for us, piece by piece. The creases are many, and the crevices are inconsistent. And that is ok. I’ll take God’s wrinkled paper over my wadded up perceptions and excuses any day.